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Tuesday, 01 August 2006 05:08

Lee Cohen: Mel's Holocaust (Satire)

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A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
Satire by Lee Cohen

In light of Mel Gibson’s recent DUI arrest and alleged anti-Semetic comments, ABC is reportedly reconsidering a proposed Holocaust miniseries Mr. Gibson is producing. In light of these events, we have uncovered an exclusive excerpt from Mr. Gibson’s Holocaust project, still in development.

INT. UNDERGROUND ROOM, POLISH STETL, 1939 -NIGHT

A dark, musty room. SARAH, a pale, young woman, wearing a threadbare shawl, is lighting the Sabbath candles when her husband MAX, a simple tailor, enters.

MAX

Sarah, have you heard? The Nazis are coming!

SARAH
(sighing, with relief)
Then our plans have succeeded!

MAX

Yes! Through our schemes and plotting and secret occult ceremonies, we have brought about World War II!

SARAH

I know this one will be even bigger than the last World
War we started!

MAX

Maybe we’ll even get credit for this one! We must spread the word throughout the ghetto! Everyone must pack their schmatas and be ready to go.

SARAH

Think of it! All six million of us -- leaving for New York and Florida in the morning.

MAX

The world will think those horrible Nazis have exterminated us!

MAX

And once we reach Miami Beach, we can start planning the Korean War --

SARAH

And something really big in Southeast Asia!

MAX

Then onward to the Congo and Afghanistan --

SARAH

-- and Iraq! Who knew such a small minority could cause so
much tsuris?

MAX

Oh, your mind is a lethal weapon, Sarah. Lucky for you there isn’t a Gentile alive who knows What Jewish Women Want!

SARAH

Oy, Max, you’re mad!

He stretches his arms out and she runs to him.

MAX
Sugartits!

They embrace. In the distance, A SHOFAR BLOWS and we FADE OUT.

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION

Lee Cohen is a screenwriter and the co-author of CHILDREN OF WILLESDEN LANE, a nonfiction account of the Kindertransport and the Holocaust, published by Warner Books.

BUZZFLASH NOTE: As of August 1, 2006, "the ABC television network has cancelled a mini-series about the Holocaust it was developing with Gibson."