New Orleans – In the past, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has traded campaign barbs with incumbent President Barack Obama about who has destroyed more jobs for U.S. workers by "outsourcing," or moving American companies overseas. Today, however, Mr. Romney changed his tack, saying that outsourcing is "America's best way to preserve democracy," and pledged that, if elected, he would outsource to a developing country his own job as Commander in Chief. Possibly to counter a recent NBC/Wall Street Journal poll that showed 0% support from Black voters, Mr. Romney chose to deliver this campaign message to the New Orleans chapter of the NAACP.
"I'd like to send myself to work in a country such as Bangladesh," stated Mr. Romney. "There, I would be happy to accept a large cut in pay, working for perhaps five to seven cents an hour, laboring 14-hour shifts in 95-degree heat, exposed to toxic chemicals in a so-called free-trade zone, unencumbered by labor or environmental regulations." The audience, 97% African American, erupted in thunderous, foot-stamping applause.
Mr. Romney's pledge is seen as part of a last-minute strategy to salvage a floundering, worker-phobic campaign. "Furthermore," added Mr. Romney, "I vow to take my presidential Cabinet and the entire Treasury Department with me."
Mr. Romney went on to explain that, by working directly for corporations such as Coca-Cola, Exxon Mobil, and Wal-Mart, entering data or toiling on assembly lines, he and his "fellow comrades" would have no time to squander on everyday Oval Office administration – thus completely eliminating big government. These remarks drew more hearty applause.
A poll following the speech, however, showed African American support for Mr. Romney had risen only to .05%.
"I'm still not going to vote for him," said audience member Jim Bailey, putting on his hat to go. "I just liked picturing that guy with his shirt all ripped up and sweaty. Made my day."
Rumor has it that Clint Eastwood will play Mitt Romney in a campaign film entitled OutSource! The Good, the Bad, and the Romney. Everyone in the GOP is praying there will be no empty chairs.