I don’t remember exactly when it happened. It may have been vaguely somewhere circa Tuesday, January 20, 2009 at 12:03pm that I noticed a paradigm shift of epic proportions in the previously held belief system of my Democrat compadres, and social media devotees. The change wasn’t subtle, it didn’t offer shades of gray or delicate nuance, instead it rattled the framework of civilization: imperialism became cool, previous critics of violating Article 2 of the Geneva Code now believed JSOC and our 101st Airborne were the only entities left protecting our nation from desert nomads riding air camels across the Atlantic to institute Sharia Law, and by posting photos of dismembered Afghani, Pakistani, Libyan, Palestinian and Yemeni children on Facebook I was engaging in bad-mannered “war porn.” Oh you didn’t know? Becoming the next David Morrell has always been a dream of mine deferred. Perhaps nobody was paying attention to my lifelong Rambo vs. Taliban infants fantasy because they were too busy plugging Sasha and Malia’s birthdays into their “As-it-Happens” Google Alerts. What’s a 6-year continuation of war in the Graveyard of Empires sans Ahmad Shah Massoud, when Leave it to Beaver looking dresses are flying off the shelves and J. Crew is reaching milestone sales? Gag me with a Cluster Bomb, guys.
The newfound mindset of these former liberals turned jingoistic unilateral hawks now tolerable of the nefarious acronym AUMF would have caused Leon Festinger to throw out his damn peg boards and construct some real clinical trials. To give them credit most Obama supporters never explicitly came out with pom poms cheering for Muslim weddings gone awry, more along the St. Augustine lines of let’s silently hate the sin, but under no god forsaken reason will we hate the sinner. My anti-war position transitioned from the pre-2008 label of “peace activist” to the current epithet of “disrespectful radical.” Critiquing Africom and the Disposition Matrix had transformed me into a Racist Commie Anarchist who needed etiquette queen Jacqueline Whitmore to help me with my approach. I quickly realized I was engaging my cyber following in a war of attrition, and I doubt my status updates on the greatness that is Olivia Pope’s wardrobe were driving people off in droves. On top of that, unless we’re talking about Jay-Z’s twelfth studio album, nobody seemed remotely interested in discussing the loss of England’s greatest charter gift, yes America’s Holy Grail. BTW it’s gone.
Over the past six years, I have never been so thoroughly entertained by the artistic ways to justify the atrocities committed under our current 44th regime. Think the colorfulness of Picasso, the imagination of Da Vinci and the subtlety of Monet, then subtract all of that times ten. Subsequently, I am summarizing my interactions with Obama apologists in this list of 15 regurgitated always dull attempts to transform a conservative square into a progressive circle filled with Hope, Change & Puppies. In no particular order here are the most logical, lucid, enlightened, sensible and non-tangential responses to my Facebook inquiries:
1) Does it ever bother you that a constitutional lawyer has abrogated the 1st, 4th, 5th, 8th and 14th amendments? Spying on journalists dissolving press of their right to keep informants confidential, initiating or being complicit in the CIA killing of investigative journalist Michael Hastings, extra judicial murders of American citizens, ignoring the law to produce the body in Habeas, using the Patriot Act’s “sneak and peak” clause to tap phone/e-mail correspondence and porn habits of millions of individuals who wouldn’t have a clue what it meant to be Shaheed?
The Deflective Democrat: Can you name a president that was perfect?
2) Do you have any remotely emotive response to the air strikes on Sangin, Azizabad, Kunduz, Uruzgan and Garani (to name a few) which left almost a thousand women and children dismembered? Any thoughts on Obama paying off Saleh’s regime to take full responsibility for the Al-Majalah massacre, forcing them to lock up journalist Abdullah Haider Shaye for years simply because he planned to write an expose’ of the gory scene in that Yemeni Bedouin village, describing the flesh of pregnant women on trees?
The Obstructionist Shouting Democrat: What can you expect he has a racist Congress.
3) Any thoughts on the kangaroo mock trial, torture and incarceration of Nobel Peace Prize nominee and anti-war activist Chelsea Manning who risked her life providing video crime footage to Wikileaks for an undeserving American people in hopes that we could bear witness to what our military does on the outer reaches of Empire?
The Culver City Democrat: I implicitly trust Obama’s decision to safeguard the middle class.
4) Any feelings on Obama abandoning his pledged Universal Healthcare mandate, immediately cutting a backroom deal with insurance and pharmaceutical companies amidst having the majority of votes in Congress, but can somehow find a way to bomb Libya, almost Syria and potentially Ukraine without even consulting Congress? Basically what I’m asking is do you find it problematic that he circumvents Legislative branches for anything Black Ops but plays impotent when going up against them to get Blue Cross out of the $1500 saline drip business?
The Exasperating Democrat: Would you have preferred Romney?
5) Any thoughts on the unilateral International Law violating murder of 30-60,000 civilians in Libya and the toppling of a regime that boasted one of the richest economies, lowest infant mortality rate, and according to the UN’s Human Development Index the highest life expectancy of any country in Africa? This ‘humanitarian crisis” coincidentally coinciding with the time Gaddafi planned to nationalize oil mines, and refuse the Petrodollar and Petroeuro. You’re not upset our government used hard working American citizen’s tax dollars for operations that have absolutely no effect on their livelihood such as taking down the Central Bank of Libya, saving Sarkozy campaign donation embarrassment, emancipating Goldman Sachs from a billion dollar debt and imposing a Muslim Brotherhood friendly puppet who will look the other way on oil price tags as long as we look the other way on them burying women alive in dirt? We have a president who is a descendent of an African more interested in sending a direct message to motherland presidents not to engage in sovereignty or satellites.
The Pro-Western Interventionist Democrat: You would be a fan of Gaddafi
6) Does it disturb you that Obama ruthlessly targets anyone who shines a light on NSA and PRISM activities, even while they store your “metadeta” (translation: life history) on a super computer somewhere located near the Church of Latter Day Saints? Going so far as to again violate International Law by forcing down airplanes to embarrassingly not capture Edward Snowden in order to toss men who are trying to prevent our constitutional pages from running thru Ativas into holes of solitary confinement. A president that does this with more zeal and zest than prosecuting government officials who participated in torture at Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib?
The Hyperbolic Democrat: Good lord do you blame him for AIDS too?
7) Thoughts on signing the U.S-Columbia Free Trade Deal (comparable to NAFTA on steroids) so everything white can flow South without tariffs, but anything brown flowing North gets shot on sight by an enhanced militarized border control?
The Never Been to Tijuana Democrat: It will all work out once we get The Dream Act, you know Republicans are blocking that right?
8) Do you think it’s a tad conflict of interest appointing Michael R. Taylor (of Agent Orange-producing Monsanto) to head the FDA and Walmart president Sylvia Mathews Burwell to direct the Office of Management and Budget, which is pretty much comparable to appointing child molesters to head up kid services?
The Fashionista Democrat: Did you see that to die for monochrome color block number Michelle wore at the Berlin Wall and those Alexis Bittar bangles she stacked on for the German chancellor!!
9) What about his relentless continuation of Nixon’s botched Drug War, raiding marijuana dispensaries in legalized states, throwing medical marijuana dealers in prison even amidst paying millions in taxes that support schools and social programs, when our government claims to be too broke to shell out money to those very same programs? Yet has no interest in raiding Goldman Sachs, Crisis Pregnancy Centers or gun shops, even though it’s kind of hard to steal from the poor, enforce motherhood and shoot people with Cannabis leaves?
The Nuremberg Trials Democrat: Bush did it too
10) You don’t think it’s a tad comical that he pretends to support Occupy Wall Street but completely ignored and refused to speak on peaceful protesters being swat team brutalized with tasers and pepper spray? Apparently too busy moralizing to other countries on how to treat their dissenters (Hi Putin!) But nobody seems to be electrocuting any of his Wall Street investment bankers, hedge fund managers and lobbyists?
The Patriotic Democrat: Why don’t you pack up your bags and move to Crimea if you hate America so much
11) In his continuous merciless pursuit on poor people and glaucoma patients who like to get high, him and his right hand dude Holder initiated Operation Fast and Furious, basically ATF agents ordering gun storeowners to illegally sell thousands of firearms to “bad guys” in hopes that it would lead them to the Pablo Escobars of the world, but tracers failed and hundreds of civilians were found dead in the streets. As a self-proclaimed student of history one would assume Obama knows what a disaster selling guns to third worlds has always been, but after catching aristocratic amnesia he increases Africom’s budget, because apparently we haven’t armed enough 10 year old soldiers in Somalia.
The Sheryl Sandberg Democrat: Did you hear we got The Lily Ledbetter Act!
12) Thoughts about Obama’s ripping apart family units with the unprecedented deportation of 2 million Latinos?
The Anti-Birthers Democrat: Obviously he has to appear tough on immigrants, you know the Tea Party still thinks he was born in Mombassa right?
13) You don’t take issue with Obama refusing to pardon John Kiriakou who blew the whistle on CIA torture at Guantanamo (or a single political prisoner) but asserts executive privilege to prevent prosecution of Eric Holder for Operation Fast and Furious, and requests the DOJ offer full immunity to Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Powell, Rice and Wolfowitz for the genocide in Iraq that killed one million civilians?
The Obama Bumper Sticker Democrat: Thanks for making my point about how bad Bush was.
14) Thoughts on him handing out a no bid $568 million contract to Cheney’s beloved oil tycoons Halliburton and a $250 million contract to Bush’s go-to mercenary company Blackwater/Academi. Private military and oil firms received more favoritism and perks than a community that provided Obama with 97% of their vote, who were instead told not to become rappers and ballers?
The Osama bin Laden Effigy Shooting Democrat: Lil’ Wayne and Lebron aren’t protecting my family from jihadists
15) Is it just me or did a man who ran as a peaceful grassroots organizing populist transform into a brutal god complex having warlord with his beloved MQ-9 Reapers, MQ-1 Predators, Tomahawk Missiles and B-1 Bomber toys cowardly raining down on families across third worlds - causing children to spasm in the streets while clutching their dolls, choking on their own blood as their mothers run around like Tasmanian devils speaking in tongues - only to watch first responders with medical equipment get hit with Obama’s notorious drone double tap?
The Patronizing Democrat: You really hate this guy huh? Okay fine he’s a bad bad person who should die. Happy now?
No. I’m happy you’ve all confirmed Obama as the more efficacious evil, proved that parties give amnesty to individuals they’d like to share croissants with and re-affirmed my choice to vote with the vegan eco-friendly save the rainforest crew. You so-called progressives and conservatives can continue your hyper-partisan politic bickering until the empire goes down in Roman flames. But don’t worry, when you decide to hijack these issues once again in ostensible concern when Republicans reclaim the throne, I’ll still be playing Sam Nzima, and issuing diatribes about Israeli water theft and the pitiful attempt to use poor Malala Yousafzai to make The Trans-Caspian Oil Pipeline Taliban friendly. But my gut feeling says I won’t be losing any cyber friends.
As you were…